An Okotoks dad who was once mom hopes a documentary he’s creating this winter will show other transgenders that true love is possible. Nick McArthur was among 30 out of 296 applicants to receive $50,000 from STORYHIVE to produce a 15 to 20-minute documentary to be aired on TELUS Optik™ TV On Demand and storyhive.com in spring 2019. Just Another Beautiful Family will tell McArthur’s story of living an ordinary life in the ‘burbs with one difference – before he was his children’s dad he was their mom. “It’s trying to help people who are trans to remove some of the fear around being trans,” said McArthur. “There is a lot of fear out there. In certain religions it’s a sin.” STORYHIVE provides funding, distribution and customized career training for content creators and screen-based storytellers across B.C. and Alberta, focused on compelling and local non-fiction stories. Megan Lau, STORYHIVE manager of communication engagement and equity, said McArthur’s story was selected because it’s personal with an important message representing happy trans families. “We’re always looking for strong stories that are coming out of urban centres and we don’t necessarily see many LGBT stories outside of city centres,” she said. “This is really an interesting project in that respect. I love that they’re really proud and that they’re diverse.” McArthur learned about the contest from friend Lauren Lim, an Edmonton filmmaker who’s submitted projects to STORYHIVE before. Lim will help with production. “We have a story to be told because Anna and I were sitting at the Skipping Stone Rainbow Gala in Calgary (hosted by Skipping Stone Foundation to support and empower gender diverse individuals and families) last year and a lot of kids said, ‘I wonder if anyone will love me,’” recalls McArthur. “Parents were saying their biggest fear is who will love their child.” McArthur’s wife Anna Kunnecke said this question gave her an intense reaction. “I just want to stand up and yell, ‘You will be loved,’” she said. “I love my husband and there will be love for you, too. It’s not only possible, don’t settle for anything less than that.’” The couple met in Pennsylvania in 2013 while Kunnecke was living in the United States and McArthur in Ontario. “We became good friends,” Kunnecke said. “We just hit it off right away. We were kindred spirits.” At the time, McArthur identified as female, was married and pregnant. Over the years, the two became close. In the summer of 2016 after McArthur and his husband divorced, Kunnecke moved to Okotoks with her daughter, the couple married and McArthur came out as trans. McArthur had struggled with his identity since childhood. “I knew for sure as a kid and I put it out of my mind as an adult,” he said. “Then I decided that I was going to figure out who I was and work through things.” McArthur underwent hormone replacement therapy. “I was at the point where I could say, ‘The two of us are in love and happy and think what you want,’” he said. “I was worried about how it would be for our kids and how it would be in a small town and I was worried about being the queer person in town. “At the end I decided it was more important to show my kids how to live authentically and how to be yourself and proud of who you are, even if it’s harder than it was to stay safe and unhappy.” The children were receptive to McArthur’s transformation. “They were like, ‘Okay cool, are you going to grow a beard because it would be awesome,’” he laughed. “The big serious question was, ‘Why did you wait so long?’” While McArthur has experienced overwhelming support, coming out wasn’t easy. “I was super scared it was going to be this really hard thing, but it hasn’t really been a big deal at all,” he said. “People sometimes ask questions that maybe aren’t the most sensitive. It’s not out of malice, it’s out of a lack of information. Google is a great place because the information is there.” Pride is among the messages McArthur hopes the documentary will portray. “We’re proud of who we are,” he said. “Lots of people choose to live what the trans community calls stealth. I feel like a lot of that is because it’s not safe to do so or it would affect their job or their social life or whatever it is.” McArthur is often asked why he’s so public about his transformation. “We’re both self-employed and have a great support system around us,” he said. “Because we have that privilege I feel there’s a little bit of responsibility to show my kids that I’m proud of who I am. If I were to tell them it was a secret that I used to be a mom I am teaching them I’m ashamed of me. The last thing I want is to have them ashamed of their parent or themselves.” When it’s time to turn the camera on, Kunnecke said it will be a family effort. “There are so many stories we would love to tell and we have about 18 minutes, which isn’t very much time,” she said. “We want to make it as true and as helpful as possible.” The video will include candid footage of the family and interviews with McArthur, Kunnecke and a psychologist. “We want to bring in some people who can speak both the clinical and personal side to dispel some of that fear-based ignorance,” Kunnecke said. “Our idea of what a family is and can be is evolving and I think that is only a good thing. Love comes in so many shapes and sizes and we celebrate that.” Twelve-year-old Adventure said she’s glad to share her family’s story to help other families like hers. “Not many people change after they have kids and not very many people even tell their kids so I think it’s cool that they’re helping other people,” she said. “I love our family. Whenever someone needs something there is almost always someone there to help them.” To view McArthur’s submission go to https://www.storyhive.com/project/show/id/3999
