Nostalgia not what it used to be

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Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous.

1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you… but it’s still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up – we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency, notify…“ I answered “a doctor.”

11. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

12. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

13. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

14. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

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