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Trials of learning how to deal with change

We say we want it, but do we? We say we’ll work hard for it, but then we don’t. We set new goals only to see them disintegrate over the course of a few months, weeks, or even days. What I’m talking about here is change.

We say we want it, but do we? We say we’ll work hard for it, but then we don’t. We set new goals only to see them disintegrate over the course of a few months, weeks, or even days. What I’m talking about here is change.

Aren’t we all a little guilty of saying we want to change something – whether it be our weight, our job, or our lifestyle – and then doing next to nothing to make it happen? I know I am, or else I would already be two sizes smaller. Who do I think I’m fooling when I set New Year’s resolutions only to disregard or sabotage them? Certainly not me, for I know only too well all my tricks and excuses. A few months into each new year I, like many others, often end up with a whole bunch of guilt, frustration, and shame over not achieving any of my well-intentioned goals on what seems like a never-ending list of things needing improvement.

Heck, the mere thought of all that seems to need improvement – whether it be targeted towards me or the world around me – is completely exhausting. No wonder it’s so easy to throw up one’s hands in despair and declare, “Oh well, I’m only one person,” or “I’m only human.” The trouble is, as soon we give up it’s as if the wheels of resignation begin to launch their forward assault. Yes, there is definitely momentum in doing nothing. Ironic, isn’t it? All that stuff we try to avoid, by making goals to change things in the first place, ends up mysteriously coming to life so it can nag at our awareness like an annoying lap dog constantly seeking attention.

Sheesh. Talk about a vicious circle. As few of my past efforts to change things have been enormously successful, I figured it might be useful to explore the whole notion of change in order to understand its workings better. It turns out that when we say we want change, our actions mostly suggest we really don’t. You know how it’s easier to live in a rut of some kind, even when it’s not the healthiest choice? We do this because it’s overwhelmingly more comfortable to do what we’re familiar with instead of trying something new. It’s a case of “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know.”

How can we ever reach a new horizon if we never let go of the shore? Unless we embrace the simple act of letting go, our situation will remain forever limited by our fear of the unknown and our tendency to avoid discomfort. Like avoiding failure from trying something new, avoiding ridicule for thinking differently, or even avoiding success simply because the mantle of mediocrity is far more comfortable to wear.

It’s like the proverbial frog in a pot of water being gradually heated. Unless the frog jumps out of the pot and into the unknown, the frog will eventually boil to death. We often think that changing things takes a lot of energy, and we’d be right. But, do we ever stop to consider how much more energy it takes to resist change? In the frog’s case, surely it would be easier to stay alive outside the pot instead of trying to survive.

And that’s how it is with change. It often takes more energy to be resistant to it than it does to embrace it. Surrendering to change – at least, when change is for the good – instead of the discomfort of resistance – now that’s in our best interest.

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