A Stanley Cup winning NHL executive shared a harsh statistic at Oilfields High School this week.
“There is a staggering human cost because of the prejudice and fear of a handful of idiots,” Brian Burke, Calgary Flames president of hockey operations said on Monday. “If you have a son (in his 20s) who is gay, the number one cause of death is suicide. We’ve got kids who are killing themselves across Canada and it’s usually after prolonged, relentless harassment and bullying.
“It’s unbelievable this still goes on.”
Burke, who won a Stanley Cup as GM with the Anaheim Ducks in 2007, was the guest speaker at the school’s speaker series. His main topic was acceptance of the LGBTQ community with a focus on the sports community.
Burke’s son, Brendan, told his family in 2009 that he was gay.
While Burke was shocked, it had no impact in the home where a rule of acceptance for all people was always maintained.
“When Brendan said: ‘Dad I’m gay.’ I told him that doesn’t change anything. You gave me a million reasons to love you and this doesn’t change anything,” Burke said.
“That was my introduction to the gay community.”
Burke and Brendan were part of an interview concerning their love and acceptance of one another in an interview on TSN.
Brendan was killed in a car crash in 2010 at the age of 21. Shortly thereafter Patrick Burke, Brendan’s brother and now an NHL executive, started You Can Play, a movement to tell gay athletes they are welcome on sports teams.
“We thought it would impact maybe a couple 1,000 people here, but the message to the entire LGBTQ community is much broader,” Burke said. “It says you count. As long as you do something to help our team, you are welcome.”
That attitude has permeated through the Calgary Flames organization.
“A gay athlete is welcomed on our team,” he stressed. “We don’t tolerate homophobic language in the workplace, we don’t tolerate it in the fans area.”
He said the NHL has had gay players and has gay players, and to think that isn’t the case is ridiculous. He said eventually a player will come out.
“We would need a player who is very confident, very comfortable and is already out to the important people in his life and we will get that,” he said. “It would have to be a perfect storm.”
It wouldn’t matter to the players. “I’ve asked our players and their criteria is ‘Can you help us win games?’” Burke said. “If you can help win games, you can be the biggest jerk in the world and they don’t mind… They see it as a non-issue.”
Burke urged the Black Diamond community to practice acceptance with people, not just tolerance.
“You tolerate rain showers and cats — I hate cats,” Burke said with a chuckle. “Acceptance means everyone in this school, everyone in my life has value.”
He asked the students and parents in the crowd to not only practice acceptance, but to take an actual positive step.
“Join You Can Play,” Burke suggested. “Join a gay-straight alliance. You have a gay straight alliance in this school. That is wonderful. It is where straight students can say ‘I support this community’ and can link arms with them and march with them.”
Burke has marched in Gay Pride parades in Calgary and Toronto with PFLAG – Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays — of which he is a member.
“They always get the biggest cheer because they aren’t gay people they are just people that care about gay people,” he said. “I try to march with them because I imagine they are cheering for me.”
He said it’s also time to stop using homophobic slurs at hockey rinks and other facilities. Burke said when slurs are made by players, he believes they are habitual and reactionary not necessarily a slam against a player’s sexuality.
“I believe they are habitual, but they are harmful and hurtful and they have to stop,” said Burke, a former pro hockey player. “I was one of the worst offenders and in pro hockey, our lexicon and vocabulary is full of inappropriate words.
“The English language is a wonderful tool. There are millions of ways to insult people without homophobic language. I have discovered most of them.”
Cleaning up the language can happen in all leagues and rinks, in not only the Foothills area but across Canada.
“In some rinks it’s not allowed, it’s a penalty,” Burke said in an interview. “There are words you can’t say in the rink, like the ‘N’ word. You get tossed for that. Why isn’t ‘faggot’ on that list? We have to get it on that list and it will come.”
He told students to take a positive step in putting a stop to bullying, adding the LGBTQ people are not the only ones being bullied.
“I think there is a special place in hell for bullies,” he said. “It (bullying) is where a person is trying to get social status by physically or verbally attacking someone who is weaker than they are.”
He said if a student sees a peer getting bullied he or she has a responsibility to either step in or report it.
“A child should not be afraid to walk down the corridors of a school, ” Burke said. “School should be a place that students should be excited when they walk in the door.”
As an advocate for the LGBTQ community, Burke receives plenty of mail of support and also asking for advice.
“I will get a letter saying: ’I think my son is gay. What do I say if he comes out,’” Burke said. “You don’t have to say anything.
“You hug him.”
Burke said he received a letter from a dad who was driving his son to university when he was asked to pull over.
“The son said: ‘Dad, I need to tell you I am gay,” Burke said. “(He wrote) ‘What went through my mind is, if it is good enough for Brian Burke it is good enough for me’
“And the dad hugged the kid.”
Donations from the evening went to You Can Play. For information about the organization go to youcanplayproject.org
